Reader Reviews

When He Leaves:  Help and Hope for Hurting Wives by Kari West and Noelle Quinn

April 2005 release
ISBN 0-7369-1586-9 

By reader request, Harvest House Publishers is re-releasing When He Leaves. In 1998, Kari and Noelle gave readers hard-won but hope-filled insights for surviving...and even thriving...after their husbands leave. They share their experience and companionship to help readers "hang on!" by acknowledging the pain, grasping God's love at a new level, and even learning to laugh and love again.

Deborah from Escondido, CA:

This gem of a book was given to me by a very thoughtful friend when I was still in the blackest depths of despair.  What a book and what a blessing it turned out to be. When He Leaves has been healing balm for my heart and soul; it’s captivating and well written to boot. Once I opened the first page I simply couldn’t put it down and stayed up until the very wee hours of the morning reading, laughing, crying, and healing my way through.

To this day, when I feel the mighty struggle of this uphill climb, When He Leaves serves to add new oomph to my step and energy to my stride. I’ve even been surprised and overjoyed by my own hearty laughter over the stories within. I simply can’t say enough. If you’ve been through the pain of losing a husband, READ THIS BOOK, and revel in the comfort and hope hid amongst its pages. And if you know someone who’s also hurting, I can’t think of a more appropriate truly helpful gift.  

A reader from San Diego, CA:

I found this book at the public library.  What a god-send!  I decided just a couple of chapters into it that I have to buy a copy of my own. Easy to read in small doses, I laughed, cried, and healed through every page. I will read it over and over as long as I need to. I’ve recommended it to friends, even to a Marriage & Family Counselor friend of mine for her clients who are suffering through a divorce. Down to earth and straight from God, these women are a blessing.

An anonymous reader:

This book SAVED MY SANITY!   I stumbled across When He Leaves and it’s truly a godsend.  I can’t say enough about it. The authors, Kari and Noelle, seem like good friends. I was in what I thought was a good solid marriage—my friends even envied how devoted my husband was, yet in the space of a week my life blew up. My husband of 12 years blew the mind of all our family when he left me five weeks after my son was born. His affair was a bomb that no one who knew him every thought he would throw. This book doesn’t blame but reminds you that “when he leaves,” God will uphold you and that the shame lies with the one who broke the covenant, not with you. It is written with humor and grace by two women who have stared hell in the face and triumphed. Reading it is like a booster shot of confidence. If you only get one book on divorce, this is THE ONE!

Linda Lee from Indiana:

This is a must read for anyone left behind by a spouse. Quinn and West wrote a gem. I loan or give my copies women who are left by their husbands and to pastors. My pastor read the book and recommends it.

Several years ago I was in the same situation after my husband of 24 years left me for someone else. All the books I read were by professional men. Each had good advice, but none of the authors had lived with the feelings of absolute rejection, physical pain, and paralysis that this situation results in for a mate left behind when a long-term marriage ends. I needed to be understood, given real hope that I was still a person of value. In my case, the leaving made sense only after discovery of the truth. Several years went by before my husband left for good. That is, he left physically, thus making official and true what many years of disrespect and unfaithfulness had hidden from my mind, but not from my heart. The authors relate similar blind areas. And I thought it was just me.

I happen to be mostly recovered from my own situation, but I found Quinn and West’s book helpful in retrospect. Finally, I had my own confused and dark feelings validated by other Christian women who had walked the same path and not only survived, but thrived. Not even professional counselors could empathize or give me hope on the same level that the authors did. The sense of shared experience and the hope for life after betrayal and abandonment shine light on the gray area in which a divorced Christian finds him/herself within the Christian community. God is faithful even when husbands and even friends are not.

What I particularly liked was the balance between the true experiences they related, even down to gut-level feelings, and the striking lack of bitterness and anger that often lingers afer divorce, even years later. Finally, two Christian women came forward and told others that the crazy-making experiences will end. We will be able to, as the subtitle reads, “Live, Love, and Laugh Again.”  Thank you, ladies.

An anonymous reader:

This book has been the most helpful recovery tool so far! If I were able to counsel women forced into painful divorces, I would make sure that they each had a copy of this book. These women have been there and they lived the pain as I have. Everything they have gone through is very real and honest. This is the light at the end of the tunnel. After much prayer and down time, this book is helping me begin to find a way back to sanity and life again. I thank both ladies for their vulnerability. This book made a real difference in my life. I wish I could put a copy in the hands of all women going through this horrible pain.

Pamela from Colorado:

Wow, what a book. If you want to know where to start, start here. Noelle and Kari are very very real. Their stories are tough and their words of encouragement are words to live by, all backed up by the word of God. This book is excellent for the newly divorced, the long-time divorced, and for women whose fiances left.

An anonymous reader:

Words cannot describe the healing I felt after reading this book. The many stories really hit home and it made me feel as if I was reading my own life story. This book was given to me by a dear friend and came at a time when I felt all alone and that everyone was looking down on me. However, after reading it, I learned we are not alone. Kari and Noelle really touched my heart and made me feel that my life will get better after all this heartache as well as many others who have gone through the terrible loss of a painful divorce.

Judy from Ontario, Canada:

At last, a book written by Christian women who have actually walked through the pain of unwanted divorce. I admire their courage in sharing their experiences so honestly. There was no “poor me” attitude, but rather an acceptance of what life had handed them and a resolve to forgive and move on, even to survive and thrive. If you are going through the throes of an unwanted divorce, you will find kindred spirits here, whose experiences will echo with your own. They did with mine.

An anonymous reader:

There is very little written in Christian literature about the divorce process. The support and advice of this book was refreshing after personally carrying about much confusion as how to live as a newly divorced single in the Christian community. Even though the majority of churches do not deal with this, I immediately thought of two of my friends (whom I ordered copies for) who faced the same situation during the last two years. It is time for us to all share as these authors did and support one another within the church body.

Ellen from Rosamond, CA:

When He Leaves is written in a vivid lyrical style similar to Annie Dillard. It should be recommended reading for every Christian. It will broaden your understanding of extreme loss and help you show God’s compassion to one another in the touch places of life.  Thank you, Kari West and Noelle Quinn, for writing about being raised from the death of a marriage into new life. 

A reader from Melbourne, Australia:

Ten weeks into my newly abandoned state, I read and reread this book several times. The title grabbed me as it was exactly the question to which I wanted to know the answer: What happens when he leaves?  I never thought I’d be here, three weeks shy of our 4^th wedding anniversary, left alone with no explanation or discussion.

Written from the viewpoint of a long-term marriage breakdown and infidelity, this book helped me.  Whenever he picks up and leaves, Kari and Noelle (whom it is now my life goal to meet and thank) help you through the agony, shock, rage, murderous thoughts, shame and despair.  And for me, seashells will never look the same again!

A reader from Georgia:

I found When He Leaves at a very low time in my life. My husband of 22 years left me for a woman by the name of Delilah. I thought I’d married a Christian man, but found through the years that he was into pornography and he ended up in an affair also. So this book was a breath of fresh air to my soul. I’ve read it and read it again for the comfort and refreshing it brings my spirit. Sometimes when you are hurting and so wounded, it helps so much to know you aren’t alone in those feelings. My copy of Kari and Noelle’s book is now being read by a friend of mine. I miss it and I want it back so I can read it again. I will continue to pass the book around to others in need or suggest they get the book. After reading this book, I was inspired to write my own love story as Kari and Noelle did in the beginning chapters of their book. I found it very helpful in the healing process. I recommend others do the same. Kari and Noelle, thank you so much!

A reader from Baltimore, MD:

I stumbled upon this book and decided to give it a try since I felt no one understood the pain and anger I felt when my ex left when our son was three months old. Thanks, Kari and Noelle, for sharing your feelings, even the negative ones, which helped me stop blaming myself. I could not make him stay, once he decided to be with his new girlfriend. This book helped me heal and be aware of the strong woman and courageous single mom I have become. By bringing my feelings of anger and disappointment into the open, I was able to see how far I’ve come and how much God does provide. He sure does work in mysterious ways!  God provided comfort and strength and gave me courage to go on and live an honorable life despite this bump on my journey.  Thank you for writing this book and letting me know that I am not alone or a failure. I plan to read it again for those times I feel discouraged or alone.

Jeanne from Wenatchee, Washington:

Many people say life is about choices but when Christians experience an unwanted divorce, they must accept the consequences of another’s choice. These two women who know the agony of such rejection write with candor and compassion about starting over. “When He Leaves” is aptly subtitled “Choosing to Live, Love, and Laugh Again.” As the authors tell the heartbreaking details of their separate journeys to divorce, they also share the little steps of hope as they saw God’s compassion in their circumstances. Sometimes people hesitate to give books to those who hurt; this is one that should be given with a heartfelt hug that says, “I care.”

A reader from Michigan:

A friend of mine from church gave me this book a few years ago. I was in shock. My spouse had just shared with me he was in love with another woman. I was scared and felt all alone. The book helped me tremendously. I experienced many of the same feelings and thoughts that Kari and Noelle shared in it. It is a book that gives affirmation to the horrid feelings one has when they find out their spouse has betrayed them. The authors wrote the book with their heart, spirit, and soul. One feels a connection and I appreciate the references to our connection with God. I would recommend this to anyone grieving the loss of a spouse through divorce. I have read it through several times and still am growing and learning.

A reader from Burlington, Washington:

Having a marriage end is painful enough, but when the end is the result of one or many affairs, the pain runs much deeper. Kari and Noelle are truly an inspiration, having overcome the worst marital trauma ever, and blossoming into a new and fulfilling lives.  Finding myself in the same situation, the teaching in this book helped me gain the courage, hope, and faith I need to start over after an unwanted divorce.